Monday, November 27, 2006
I'm Back!
and with a slightly surreal post this time (see end of post)
Sorry, I was away so long. Things have been a little crazy, but that's been good becuase I've been keeping busy. When the miscarriage happened, I was in the middle of a show at the local community theater. I was Lenny in Crimes of the Heart. We had just done one weekend out of three of the show's run. So, I stayed home from our pickup rehearsal on Thursday, but was right back up on stage Friday night. During the weekend, one of my fellow cast-members shared her cold along with the Coke we drank together on stage, so by the following weekend, I was doing the show with almost no tonal quality to my voice. There was a forced sound, but that was about it. Then, after the show was over and I managed to get well again (after giving to B. first), I got a temp job in Des Moines doing some editing for a hairstyling college - and no that's not the surreal part.
Anyway, thank you all for your posts. I really do appreciate them. Also, thank you gang for the flowers. They were really lovely (and lasted over a week). They also gave me a little laugh because cissy's name came out as Carol. It it took me a minute to figure out. I'm doing much better now, and at this point just waiting out the two months until we can live life without condoms. After that, what happens happens.
And now, for the surreal part:
I was talking to my mother during the weekend before Thanksgiving (where she was grilling me about what we want for Christmas, but that's another post) and we were about to say goodbye when she said, "Oh, by the way, I forwarded some mail to you the other day. It was from G." (Meaning the previous BF before B.)
Yep, that's right, the former boyfriend sent me a birthday card after five years of being married to another guy - an emotionally available guy, I might add. For those of you who either don't know or remember, this was the guy I went looking for a job in Omaha to be closer to, who then dumped me because he wasn't sure he wanted to get married. Oh, yeah, and he was emotionally unavailable. I'm way better off without him, and honestly, I knew that before I ever met B. So I'm not bitter or angry at him or anything. I just have nothing more to say to him, and I'm really not sure why he makes the effort. His letter didn't really even say much. Just that he had been wondering how B. and I were doing with a few facts about what's going on in his life.
He had called my mom a few years back. (Their phone number hasn't changed in 30 years.) He was looking for my contact info because his e-mails to the Omaha account had bounced. She gave him my address, but not the phone number. He sent a birthday card. A Pooh card, if I remember correctly. This time it was a gray tabby cat holding a fish with a candle in it.
The most surreal thing was that he had Googled me and found a reference to my name in the local paper's story about Crimes.
Am I a horrible person for not wanting to contact him back? Should I just stay silent or send a message saying I don't want any further contact?
Sorry, I was away so long. Things have been a little crazy, but that's been good becuase I've been keeping busy. When the miscarriage happened, I was in the middle of a show at the local community theater. I was Lenny in Crimes of the Heart. We had just done one weekend out of three of the show's run. So, I stayed home from our pickup rehearsal on Thursday, but was right back up on stage Friday night. During the weekend, one of my fellow cast-members shared her cold along with the Coke we drank together on stage, so by the following weekend, I was doing the show with almost no tonal quality to my voice. There was a forced sound, but that was about it. Then, after the show was over and I managed to get well again (after giving to B. first), I got a temp job in Des Moines doing some editing for a hairstyling college - and no that's not the surreal part.
Anyway, thank you all for your posts. I really do appreciate them. Also, thank you gang for the flowers. They were really lovely (and lasted over a week). They also gave me a little laugh because cissy's name came out as Carol. It it took me a minute to figure out. I'm doing much better now, and at this point just waiting out the two months until we can live life without condoms. After that, what happens happens.
And now, for the surreal part:
I was talking to my mother during the weekend before Thanksgiving (where she was grilling me about what we want for Christmas, but that's another post) and we were about to say goodbye when she said, "Oh, by the way, I forwarded some mail to you the other day. It was from G." (Meaning the previous BF before B.)
Yep, that's right, the former boyfriend sent me a birthday card after five years of being married to another guy - an emotionally available guy, I might add. For those of you who either don't know or remember, this was the guy I went looking for a job in Omaha to be closer to, who then dumped me because he wasn't sure he wanted to get married. Oh, yeah, and he was emotionally unavailable. I'm way better off without him, and honestly, I knew that before I ever met B. So I'm not bitter or angry at him or anything. I just have nothing more to say to him, and I'm really not sure why he makes the effort. His letter didn't really even say much. Just that he had been wondering how B. and I were doing with a few facts about what's going on in his life.
He had called my mom a few years back. (Their phone number hasn't changed in 30 years.) He was looking for my contact info because his e-mails to the Omaha account had bounced. She gave him my address, but not the phone number. He sent a birthday card. A Pooh card, if I remember correctly. This time it was a gray tabby cat holding a fish with a candle in it.
The most surreal thing was that he had Googled me and found a reference to my name in the local paper's story about Crimes.
Am I a horrible person for not wanting to contact him back? Should I just stay silent or send a message saying I don't want any further contact?
# posted by Knittin' Kitten @ 11/27/2006 11:49:00 AM 
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Welcome back!! It's great to hear from you. I'm glad the flowers got there OK.
Re G.: Yikes. I had the same problem with an ex of mine (you can probably guess who) in late 2000, not long after I moved East. He tracked me down at the office. I basically went the stay-silent route, and that has worked.
If he ever contacts me again, I'll simply say that I've moved on with my life and that I'd appreciate it if he would respect my privacy. Or something like that. Maybe that's something you could say to G. if you decide to reply...
Re G.: Yikes. I had the same problem with an ex of mine (you can probably guess who) in late 2000, not long after I moved East. He tracked me down at the office. I basically went the stay-silent route, and that has worked.
If he ever contacts me again, I'll simply say that I've moved on with my life and that I'd appreciate it if he would respect my privacy. Or something like that. Maybe that's something you could say to G. if you decide to reply...
P.S. You're not a horrible person for not wanting to contact him, by the way. No one is obligated to be friends with an ex.
Good to see you back and see you're hanging in there and keeping busy! You've been in my thoughts.
As for G., I say ignore him as long as he doesn't show up on your doorstep or anything. As a wise older woman with the initials PG once told me, "An ex is an ex for a reason. You shouldn't even speak to an ex if you don't want to. It's best to just stay away." Indeed it is.
As for G., I say ignore him as long as he doesn't show up on your doorstep or anything. As a wise older woman with the initials PG once told me, "An ex is an ex for a reason. You shouldn't even speak to an ex if you don't want to. It's best to just stay away." Indeed it is.
# posted by 
: 11:31 PM, November 27, 2006
: 11:31 PM, November 27, 2006
Add me to the ignore list. If you send a note back, even telling him to go away and stay away, he might see that as encouragement.
Some people are just that twisted. I'd also mention to your mom not to be helpful to this one. My mom is *very* helpful; sometimes I wish she'd just keep her mouth shut. Honestly, they can google me if they want to know that badly. I'm not hard to find.
Some people are just that twisted. I'd also mention to your mom not to be helpful to this one. My mom is *very* helpful; sometimes I wish she'd just keep her mouth shut. Honestly, they can google me if they want to know that badly. I'm not hard to find.
As someone who has on more than one occasion foolishly allowed himself to get back in touch with an ex (ending even more badly the second and third times than the first), I say: Stay away.
Yeah - those ex's are trouble - stay away!
:)
I'd just ignore him - he's looking for validation, and...he doesn't deserve it.
:)
I'd just ignore him - he's looking for validation, and...he doesn't deserve it.
# posted by : 10:26 PM, November 29, 2006
: 10:26 PM, November 29, 2006
Thanks for the validation, guys. And Gina, you're right, the two exes in question are quite similar situations, well except for the drug use.
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